


what's in a name

by Kalgalen



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, i think??, spoilers up to ep110
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-10-04 05:26:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17298626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kalgalen/pseuds/Kalgalen
Summary: Ridding herself of the habit of giving her full name is far more arduous than it has any right to be. It's the way it rolls off the tongue, you see: Sasha Rackett. Sasha Rackett who’s-asking. Sasha Rackett now-get-lost-and-forget-I-was-here.





	what's in a name

**Author's Note:**

> Hello I'm very emotional about Lydia introducing Sasha only by her first name the past few episodes
> 
> Quick thing I just typed at work because I have feelings and I must scream

Ridding herself of the habit of giving her full name is far more arduous than it has any right to be. It's the way it rolls off the tongue, you see: _Sasha Rackett_. Sasha Rackett who’s-asking. Sasha Rackett now-get-lost-and-forget-I-was-here. It's the name she's given since she was four, the one that meant she wasn't just another random urchin in Other London’s streets, that said she _belonged_ \- to an influential crime family, no less. It had been a part of her identity she'd never thought she could leave behind, even after she started wishing she were allowed to.

She's not sure of when, exactly, it all changed; maybe it had been as soon as she'd stepped out of London, as if she'd left her misconceptions behind along with the city that had watched her grow up. Paris had proven that there was a whole lot more to see to the world than just London’s dirty alleyways; she'd thought her uncle to be the cruelest, most ambitious criminal alive, but Mister Ceiling had made Barett seems like nothing but a kid playing with sticks - and the brain monster had _barely even been trying_. Prague had been a nest of unnatural activity and of geniuses who thought life was just another material to work with, and she'd found out life was a very relative condition anyway. By the time they'd reached Cairo, Sasha’s perspective had expanded so far out of its past bounds she couldn't imagine going back - couldn't picture letting herself be scared and kept on a leash, now she knew she could be so much more.

Her emotions had gotten the best of her when she’d finished off Barett’s agent. She had buried her daggers into its cloaked shape over and over again until she'd been sure it wouldn't get up again, and then she'd kept stabbing, just in case Barett could feel the hits all the way from wherever he was holed up. She’d hoped he did, and got the message. She hadn't realize she was crying until Azu had pulled her away; she’s promised herself he wouldn't bring her to tears ever again.

The next time she faces him - the last time, hopefully - she doesn't cry, and she doesn't yell. She calmly explains to his bewildered face that she doesn't care about him anymore. She has bigger problems to deal with, and he's just - not big enough to register on her radar. Not now, and not ever again. She is done.

It would feel weird, after that, to keep using his name, and so she stops. She stumbles, the first time, cuts herself after the first syllable. Sasha Ra- no, sorry. Just call her Sasha. Grizzop looks surprised; Hamid looks proud. Azu smiles, and gives her a single pat on the shoulder. Sasha feels the corners of her own mouth twitch up, just slightly.

She thought giving up on her name would make her feel lost, but it’s like she found herself instead. It's alright if she can't use that name anymore; she knows she can make one for herself.


End file.
